Recently, my sweet, friend-like neurologist suggested changing my medication plan, with an eagerness to improve my quality of life.

You see, I’m unable to drive with my left hand. It feels like a dead weight on the steering wheel. I’m also experiencing extreme difficulty typing with my left hand. The issue is not the shaking. It’s a struggle to pick up my fingers to place them on the appropriate keys. My typing has slowed down tremendously, big  time, to super slow status. When I shampoo my hair or wash my face, my right hand does 95% of the lathering. My shake gets bigger, more noticeable when I get nervous or angry. When I express love with a hug, my left arm squeeze is faint. And the list goes on and on.

From what I understand, I can take enough medication so I hardly feel my symptoms at all. This may sound wonderful to you, but this makes me feel incredibly uneasy. I feel as though changing or increasing my medication is a sign of defeat in some way.

Is it truly possible to increase my meds and continue to believe/have faith I can release this disease from my body? Taking the medication seems out of alignment with having faith, don’t you think? But honestly, I’ve been taking some form of medication since the original diagnosis in August 2013. How is this any different? I’m living out of alignment for over a year and a half and it’s been acceptable to me, in my mind. So, why is this any different?

Do you see the conflict? Grrrrrrrrrrr!

My highest self tells me to stick with my current medication and supplement plan, my exercise routine, and to research natural healing methods. This has been my plan all along, but honestly I’m not trying many natural healing modalities. They are often expensive and not covered by health insurance.

 My sensible, responsible self tells me to change my meds to improve my quality of life. This will make it easier to apply to and maintain full-time, professional employment, make a nice, stable income, and save for a rainy day (or an exotic vacation).

A friend of mine tells me to choose empowering thoughts like, ‘It’s wonderful to take Wonder Woman Juice three times a day. This stuff makes me feel so good. I am unstoppable. I am grateful.’

This is simply another opportunity to go within, get to know myself better, and to get closer and closer to the best version of Joni.