Dearest Penelope . . .
Apparently, you did not receive my first letter . . . inviting you to leave, exit, and get out of here, this fabulous, strong body.
I sit here at my pc, struggling to place my left hand fingers on the correct key. The shaking doesn’t cause the difficulty. The bradykinesia (a lack of coordination) is the source of my uneasiness in typing. I understand this is just one tiny slice of your being, your essence, and all that makes up all your great big glory.
Don’t think I didn’t notice . . .
You showed up a lot on Thursday as I ran errands, went to the gym, and carted my lovely children around. It’s as though you’re stealing my left arm, slowly, quietly, secretly. As I drive, my left arm and hand are like a dead weight on the steering wheel. Quite often, I don’t even put my left hand on the steering wheel. It lays lifeless on my lap.
As I notice these special, intimate moments between you and I, so many thoughts swirl through my mind.
- I will win. You will not take over this simple function of my body.
- I understand you don’t want to drive, but I do (as I place my left hand on the steering wheel).
- How much worse are you going to get?
I have goose bumps as I think, feel (truly feel, absorb and take this in), and type this. I feel you Penelope.
I understand you’re here to teach me lessons I wouldn’t “get” from simply hearing someone else’s story. I look for the lessons daily. In fact, I feel in my heart, I’m supposed to share my story, my lessons learned, and our journey together.
2014 was a unique, somewhat very special year for me. I didn’t work much. I spent my time soul searching, looking for inspiration, and wrapping my mind around your visit. Throughout the year I learned:
• Show up as “Joni” in every experience, not as “Parkinson’s patient Joni”
• Healing and curing are different.
• Look within to heal, follow my intuition
• It’s OK to cry.
• I like yoga.
• I can do a 5K.
• Friends are part of my healing.
• A beach house in Beach Haven, NJ is a beautiful experience.
I got it. I really do “get it”. None of this would have happened without your visit, but honestly, it’s time for you to leave.
Now, right now, in this present moment, please leave.
With an abundance of self love,
Joni
