I continue to prepare to run my first 5K on Sunday. I’m not doing as well as I had planned. Originally, my goal was to jog the full 5K. Now, my goal is to show up and complete it.

I seek pleasure daily. Personally, preparing for a 5K consists of NO pleasure for me at all, none, zippo, nope, none!  At this point, it’s simply an exercise in commitment and discipline for me.

As I jogged this morning on the actual 5K route, I felt uneven as the left side of my body felt heavier than my right side. As I mixed up my pace with a jog and a walk, I was disappointed I wasn’t doing better. At about two thirds of the route, this was my internal conversation:

I HATE THIS. I can’t do this. Why the hell did I sign up for this? I can do this, I can do this. This SUCKS. I can’t jog this whole 5K. Why the hell can’t I jog 5K? I used to be super fit. I’ve been working on this for 7 weeks. Why the hell can’t I jog the whole 5K by now? I need inspiration. I wonder what the other women in my running group are experiencing to quicken their pace. What are their struggles? I need inspiration. I hate this. I desire inspiration. I have no energy. I want inspiration.

And it went on and on and on . . . .

Within 90 seconds, a gentleman with a prosthetic leg, wearing shorts, walked across the road (at around 9:30 on a Sunday morning). We exchanged a smile with a ‘good morning’.

I asked for inspiration and I received it.

I imagined the gentleman’s story, his struggles, and his acceptance. I occasionally think about people who are told they will never walk again and how they find incredible inner strength and determination to make it happen. They fight the odds powerfully and shock their doctors.

I desire to shock everyone. I desire to be healthy and strong. I desire to release the disease.

Although I hate it, I’m grateful I’m able to do a 5K. I’m committed to show up with love and gratitude for what my body can do that day.

 

PLAY TIME:

Could you use a little inspiration? Play with the idea of it showing up today. Please share.