I was out to tea with one of my friends from my spiritual home community (you may call it ‘church’) a couple weeks ago. She shared she’s speaking in an upcoming service, sharing her experience being a member. She also shared they were looking for one more person to contribute in the same way.

I jumped at the opportunity, or at least the confident public speaker I used to be, jumped at the opportunity.

As the day gets closer (this Sunday), I’m coming to terms with real life as it is for me now:

1. I shake more when I’m nervous. I may be a great big shaky mess in front of the congregation. This doesn’t comfort me, but I figure if I’m going to share my message, whatever that may be, speaking in front of my congregation is the most supportive loving place to do this. I’ll dig deep for some sweet, peaceful courage.

 2. I also cry very easily these day. I used to never cry. I bottled it up for years. My empathy is heightened and I cry frequently. I plan on speaking publicly about how important my spiritual home community is to me so I may be a slobbering mess. I’ll bring tissues with me, and seek a calm peaceful energy.

This little pickle I’m in actually made me question whether I can do this and whether I should turn down this opportunity. I’m choosing not to play small. I’m choosing to actively engage in life. It’s not always easy, but my heart leads me to live this way.

My secret weapon is my 14 year old daughter. I’m going to have her on standby to take over for me if at any point my message isn’t clearly received.

I have to be OK with shaking in front of others. This is my life experience right now.

I have to be OK with crying in front of others. It is not a sign of weakness, but of being completely present.

(As I type this, I’m shaking more than usual.)

Fingers crossed, everything goes fabulously.

Please share:

When have you been in a pickle? What was it like to be bold and play big?