I sit here, on my birthday, choosing to relax, reflect, and write.

Writing is grounding for me. It’s a way to connect with myself, express, digest, ponder, and be in the present moment.

I’ve been sharing my writing with a few new people lately.

A couple things have occurred to me. Some of the feedback points to my frustration with life as it currently shows up for me. Hmmmmmm. . . . .  I didn’t think I was frustrated or angry.

I take this in as a reality check. I breathe . . . .

Yes, I am mad about the current state of my health. I don’t like taking medicine in the morning, afternoon, evening, and before I go to bed. It sucks!

I do my best to put a positive spin on things. I set a reminder on my phone to take the meds throughout the day. The name of my reminder is Power Up. I view it as taking my ‘Wonder Woman’ juice/potion. It helps my body to function the best way possible.

I’m also tremendously grateful for all my body can do each day. This is incredibly powerful as it puts me in a solid, strong state of mind.

Most of the time I take my meds mindlessly – here I go again, gulp.

Some mornings I lay them all out and think to myself – ok, this one is for my belly (ulcerative colitis), this one is for my blood (blood clotting disorder), this one is for my body (Parkinson’s Disease), and this one is for my mood (Parkinson’s creates depression and fatigue too).

I really don’t like being on so many meds, or any meds at all. Are they impacting my body in ways I don’t even know about?

I feel a big conflict within. I hate taking the meds. I wish I didn’t have to take the meds. At the same time I’m grateful for the medicine so I may lead a normal life; I don’t run to the bathroom pooping blood, I’m not fearing a blood clot is going to hit my lungs or brain and kill me, I have almost complete use of my entire body, and I’m not a super crank monster.

I don’t like the meds.

I’m grateful for the meds.