Boy oh boy, it’s been quite a journey. It’s been about two years since I received my degenerative disease diagnosis. It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, thoughts, and actions.
My original thoughts were, I’m supposed to share my story and I’m going to heal naturally. Things have changed along the way. My experience and ideas have evolved.
Sometimes, I want to share my story. Sometimes I want to be left alone. I process. I think. I wonder. I digest.
A couple months ago my PD doctor suggested I change my meds for a better quality of life. Although the PD didn’t really stop me from doing anything (or maybe I’m just kidding myself), life was indeed different with PD. I chopped vegetables slowly so preparing dinner took a longer amount of time. Putting the utensils from the dishwasher basket in to the drawer was a task in which I moved in slow motion. I felt an unease when I would wave to someone with my left hand. It didn’t hurt, but it was difficult to do. My left hand was dead on my PC keyboard. It was very difficult to place my fingers on the correct keys. It was as though there was a disconnect between my hand and my brain. I just couldn’t get my fingers to move the way I wanted them to. Super FRUSTRATING!
When I was diagnosed, I felt a strong desire/need to heal naturally with alternative methods. I started with a very small dose of meds so that I could still experience the disease. I know – it must sound a little cooky to some. I did this so that if I found an alternative method, I could feel the change/improvement in my body. If I was on lots of meds, I would never feel the change in my body.
I didn’t like the idea of meds, but I was already on meds and honestly, I was not pursuing alternative methods of healing I originally yearned for. I looked in to a few things. Friends offered a few suggestions. I researched some. I tucked a few to the back of my brain to ponder at a later time. Some, I’ve forgotten about.
So, a couple months ago, I chose to try this new medication. As I increased this new med, I felt like super woman! I began feeling so much better. I could type. I could drive with my left hand. Even my fellow yoga classmates commented on the difference they could visibly see.
Now, I can drive with my left hand. My typing is a lot better most of the time.
This feels tremendous.
It also feels like I maybe cheating myself. Have I abandoned listening to my body wisdom, which originally guided me to a natural healing? Did I bail? Did I give up? Did I choose a simpler path? Am I damaging my body in other ways with this new med? Am I in alignment with my truth?
I’m not sure . . . .
This is what I think about.
* originally written in June