What you think of me is none of my business, but what I think of me is a life changer.

I remember taking a lot of yoga classes the first year and a half, right after the diagnosis. I had never liked yoga earlier, but after my diagnosis I was extremely drawn to it. I felt as though, this is what my body yearns for. This is part of my healing. It felt really good to care for myself in this way.

I’ve grown in unexpected ways on and off my yoga mat.

Whenever my yoga instructor led me to a balanced pose on my left foot, my mind immediately went to “oh, this is going to be tough, I don’t know if I can do it”. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it. I was not yet (struggling for word choice here) accustomed to how my body was showing up for me. Obviously, my body was not meeting my expectations. I mean really, how can I balance when at least one body part on the left side of my body is shaking? Is it even possible? This was my very own, personal, private conversation with Super Fierce Fear (I envision a villain looking character as I write this).

You know what? YES, it is absolutely possible. I balance many, many times. Honestly I struggle too. Overall, I believe that struggle, that stretch beyond my comfort zone, is my greatest opportunity for growth, so I say “bring it on, I’m here to grow”.

Super Fierce Fear has left the conversation . . .

The greatest accomplishment is I don’t have that conversation in my head during yoga class anymore.

Now, I’m simply in my body, completely present, taking a yoga class, just like everyone else in class.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh . . . . .


*Originally written in March 2015